Being an Effective Communicator: Tapping into Your Emotional and Social Intelligence
In SHAMBAUGH Leadership’s Executive Coaching and Women in Leadership and Learning (WILL) Program, one area of focus is a leader’s communications and how they engage and resonate with others. Two important elements shared by strong communicators are being in touch with their emotional intelligence and social intelligence. Here’s what I mean, and how you can leverage your emotional and social intelligence to improve your communication effectiveness:
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to relate to others, show empathy for them, and connect with them. It’s also about being self-aware and managing your own emotions and how you deal with pressured situations.
Consider these tips to improve your emotional intelligence:
Be Present with Others
Avoid multitasking and dividing your attention when you’re with others—be attentive by being present with them. Tune out all the other noise in your head to focus on the person in front of you, and check your emotions, assumptions, and bias at the door. Listen with the intention to learn other people’s perspectives, and imagine yourself in their shoes. Ask open-ended questions to create connection opportunities, be open to their viewpoint, and affirm your understanding of their concerns. You can acknowledge what the other person is saying verbally or through their non-verbal cues and meet them where they are at.
Be Self-Aware
Self-awareness is the ability to recognize your own emotions. Take time to slow down and expand your understanding of what you’re feeling and where it’s coming from. Be cognizant of what you’re bringing to the room and how others are receiving you. Are you inspiring people? Did you provoke participation and engagement? Do you maintain composure in high-pressure situations? These approaches will help you avoid certain triggers and prevent escalation of emotionally charged situations. Beware of pushing too hard on your own agenda and minimizing the importance of their side of the conversation.
Learn to Self-Regulate
Self-regulation is the ability to adjust your emotions to create a desired effect. For example, if you’re feeling stressed at work and someone asks how you’re doing, do you come off positively or negatively through your response? Self-regulation is about training your mind to set aside your personal stresses and concerns when leading others, so that your communications are more effective and inspiring.
Before you engage in a challenging conversation, anticipate potential landmines or situations that may trigger your emotions. Proactively identify the right mindset and practices to keep your composure and not derail the conversation.
Practicing mindfulness, taking breaks, or talking with someone who can help you to get to a calmer state. These are also ways to help you self-regulate to regain a healthy perspective.
Social Intelligence is the ability to create healthy and supportive relationships and able to influence others with your communication and actions. People with high social intelligence are able to effectively read situations by recognizing the impact of context, and unspoken social rules and adapt appropriately.
Here are some strategies to improve your social intelligence:
Listen to Others
Listen with curiosity and the intent to learn versus respond. Pay close attention by thoughtfully acknowledging the message that’s being shared with you. Ask questions to clarify your understanding along the way.
Read the Room
The best leaders know how to “read the room,” which means to be astutely aware of others’ feelings and behaviors that lie beneath what’s being said (or not). It’s also about being aware of the group dynamic in meetings. Try to pick up non-verbal signs from people around the table—such as unspoken issues, feelings, and eye contact—so you’re able to understand and interpret what’s beneath the surface of people’s words.
Learn to check in and test people’s engagement; for example, you might say to someone on your team: “I noticed you’re a little quieter today than usual—is what we’re discussing in line with your expectations?”
Understand the Context
If you’re briefing stakeholders or an executive on something you’ve prepared and are excited about but you’re not getting any input or engagement, pause and figure out the context of what’s going on in the room. It could be that a more pressing issue came up, or your topic is no longer relevant based on changes you’re unaware of. It also might be that your communication is more about tactical issues and you need a more strategic lens.
When communicating important messages, be aware of your sense of timing. Pause and check in with your audience to see if it’s the right time to share your message, or if you need to shift your communication style or method to meet their expectations. Once you’ve determined the context, you then may need to adapt your style to align with others. For example, if you’re generally highly collaborative and people need you to make a tough decision in a crisis, you might need to temporarily shift to a more directive style to reach a decision.
Meeting Before the Meeting
You can also improve your social intelligence by connecting with key participants before an important meeting. When you “meet before the meeting,” you can align with the other constituents and make sure everyone is on the same page.
Bottom line: leaders must be aware of how much is embedded in their communications, keeping emotional intelligence and social intelligence top of mind. Preparation and intentionality are key. Being an effective communicator influences your reputation, establishes your credibility, and impacts how well you can get things done through others.
SHAMBAUGH Leadership hones in on emotional intelligence, social intelligence, and communications as part of our Women in Leadership and Learning (WILL) Program. Get in touch with us at info@shambaughleadership.com so we can start a conversation about building a development program for your organization’s leaders. This is also a popular topic for our Executive Coaching program, where you can receive personalized attention from a certified SHAMBAUGH coach on these topics.
Visit SHAMBAUGH’s offerings on Executive Coaching, Leadership Development, Coaching and Development Programs for Women, Keynotes, and Fireside Chats.
Rebecca Shambaugh is President of SHAMBAUGH Leadership, Founder of Women in Leadership and Learning, and author of the best-selling books It’s Not a Glass Ceiling, It’s a Sticky Floor and Make Room for Her: Why Companies Need an Integrated Leadership Model to Achieve Extraordinary Results.
Find out more about us at: www.shambaughleadership.com
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