The Work-Life Balance Issue – from a Young Woman’s Perspective
At a recent event for the launch of my book, held at the Press Club in Washington DC, a young woman asked one of the best questions I’ve heard relative to the Work-Life Balance sticky floor. (For those of you not familiar with my book, "It’s Not A Glass Ceiling, It’s A Sticky Floor", my premise is that women have seven behavioral traits that limit us from reaching our full potential. The good news is that we are in control of those traits and, rather than having to wait for someone to give us opportunities, we can make those opportunities happen ourselves if we address some of these things that are holding us back. I call these traits or behaviors "The Sticky Floors".)
The question was very simple and for those of us in the family-balancing mode, a reminder that there is another side to managing work-life balance. (Work-life balance is one of the seven sticky floors.) This young woman, at the early stage of a promising career, said she very much wanted to build work-life balance into her career path. Her challenge was not lack of desire to create the right balance, but what she felt were the expectations of others around her. She was very clear to say that her company prides itself on its family-friendly policies and emphasis on lifestyle issues, which she acknowledged is true and does carry through the company on a daily basis. The problem for her arises when there is a project that might require some late nights. Her colleagues with families assume that, because she is single and does not have children at home, it is no problem for her to be able to stay late, often at the expense of her not doing something she had planned to do for herself.
While she wants to be a contributing member of the team, and doesn’t mind working the extra hours and pitching in as needed, she doesn’t know how to dispel the notion that she doesn’t have a life outside the office because she doesn’t have a family and, as a result, that she will always be able to stay to get the job done.
My advice:
There is no question that maintaining a sense of work-life balance is important for both men and women, and a challenge for everyone- with or without children! However, I have found that women, by virtue of our wiring or the nature of situations we are presented with, unknowingly bring this lack of balance in their work-life on themselves. My advice to hundreds of women who are dealing with one or several of the sticky floors is to first look inward versus outward. I encourage them to raise their own level of awareness to explore their own beliefs, assumptions or behaviors that may be causing them to feel stuck or challenged. When you do that, you have a choice to change those situations that may not be working for you. In turn, you are then better able to control the situation.
Here are a few tips that may help you to identify, take control and better manage the Work-Life Balance sticky floor:
Speak up and Set Boundaries: For some of us who have a difficult time saying the "No" word (based on not wanting to let others down)… know that you can say "no" by saying "yes". If you get a request to sit on a committee, but you have no extra time… just say, "I can’t do it right now but I would love to help you out down the road when my schedule lightens up." Or, you can recommend someone else you think would do a great job. Another option is to say no by saying yes… this time! As I told this particular young woman, tell your colleagues you are a team player and you will be there to ensure the job gets done, but be clear that while you can take this late shift, someone else will have to take the next one. And stick to it! The next time a late night is required, tell your colleagues you have plans and that you appreciate working with a group of people that works so well together as a team, pitching in and covering for each other.
Avoid the Martyr Syndrome: Many women are devoted friends, mothers and loyal employees. They will go the extra mile to support, fix and make things better for others. While they feel guilty when they are not there for others, they also resent not having the time they would like for themselves, or in some cases, they feel taken advantage of. My advice to them… take time to establish a vision for yourself: What are your top goals and priorities and how do the late hours associated with your taking on these additional tasks align with those goals? If they don’t, speak up and set boundaries!
Be Transparent About Your Goals and Expectations: Remember that you don’t need to justify what your plans are. They are important to you and to your ability to balance your life. What others may judge as not important is being filtered through their lens. It is your goals and your priorities that you must keep in mind when setting your work-life balance boundaries. The more clear and transparent you are about your goals and expectations, the more likely people will accept and support them.
The important thing is for this woman to begin to set these boundaries and expectations now, otherwise, her colleagues will continue to rely on her to cover the late nights, while they go home to their families and the priorities they have set for themselves.
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