Emotion in the Workplace
The show of emotion by Hillary Clinton on the campaign trail in New Hampshire brought on a flurry of press coverage, conversation and analysis. Was she cracking under stress? Did that make her “unpresidential”; unable to handle the pressure of the job? Would the scrutiny have been different if the emotion had been expressed by a man?
While the pundits thought it might be a death knell to her campaign, the voters of New Hampshire gave her a surprise victory. Why? Did it make her more human? Were women voters standing up saying, “Enough, treat her like the men and let’s talk about the issues?” I’m not a political analyst so I won’t attempt to answer those questions, but it does bring to mind all the pitfalls of emotion in the workplace, especially as it relates to women.
When does expressing emotion help? When does it harm? Are you damned if you do and damned if you don’t (as in the case of Hillary Clinton) – women often face the “Is she tough enough?” question. But then, if a woman is tough (as tough as man), the “B” factor arises – is she too tough?
I have often coached senior leaders and executives that it’s important to have a sense of inner confidence, vision and direction for others, intelligence, and courage to take on risks and great change. However, it is just as important to share a piece of your human side to others around you. Bottom line — people feel more comfortable and are willing to trust someone, even under great change and ambiguity, when they see that emotional or human side. When Hillary said she was tired, frustrated and disappointed after so much hard work, people somehow were more able to identify with her – particularly women. She appeared real – even though she may have lost control of her emotions by showing her vulnerability, she gained the support of many who may have even shifted their vote from another candidate to her.
I start off in my book, It’s Not A Glass Ceiling, It’s A Sticky Floor, emphasizing that an important element for leaders to gain respect and trust and to draw people to them is by being an authentic leader — knowing and being thyself. This calls for having self-awareness – knowing our strengths, weaknesses, intentions, passions, beliefs, and, yes, emotions. This means showing up on a regular basis as one who is transparent with their thoughts and feelings, and is consistent with their values, behaviors, words and actions.
There are times to be authentic when it comes to showing our emotions and passions. The key is to exercise emotions when it is appropriate. Hillary took a risk – she could have been pat, stoic and avoided showing how she really felt which was frustrated, tired and disappointed. But in this case she chose to be authentic. She showed a side of her that virtually no one has seen publicly before, but it was appropriate and it worked in the context of the situation.
While it is important to show our true emotions (and as women we have a deep emotional capacity), there are some practical guidelines when being tested emotionally:
1) It’s okay to show our feelings; however, we need to find the appropriate balance among our strengths, intellect and emotions. Showing up and emphasizing only one of these without the others does not come off as real or authentic.
2) Read your audience: Pay attention and have an awareness of the environment around you. Be cognizant of sharing different aspects of who you are or expressing your emotions at the right time, with the right people, and with the right message. In Hillary’s case, she was in an intimate environment and she responded to a personal question by a woman who was more interested in her well-being than her politics.
In short, the element of authenticity combined with situational awareness is a good formula for leadership.
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