Men Coaching Women Off The Sticky Floors
At least twice per week, I speak to audiences around the country about women in leadership and, in particular, about my concept of The Sticky Floors and how they hold women back. One of the interesting things I’m noticing is that more and more men are showing up to listen. Do they have their own Sticky Floors? Of course, but mostly they are trying to gain a better understanding of how they can help women advance within their organizations.
Let’s face it, for the most part, men have dominated the seats at the top of organizations and have had many years of experience in dealing with day-to-day leadership issues, tackling the political and organizational dynamic issues, and have a plentiful network of people around them to help get things done. As a result, they are positioned to be important mentors for women coming up in the ranks. The more they can learn how to understand the perspectives of their female direct reports, colleagues or peers, the more effective they will be as mentors.
Men helping women advance is, plain and simple, a good business move. As baby boomers retire, there will be a huge gap at the leadership levels of many companies. To stay competitive, these organizations need to ensure they have a strong pipeline of people ready and able to lead. That means companies cannot risk having only half of the population moving through the pipeline. They will need and want to take advantage of all of their talent.
At the same time, leadership today calls for a broader set of knowledge, experience and characteristics. The styles and attributes of both men and women will be critical to companies looking to stay on top in the 21st century.
How then do today’s male leaders ensure the next generation of leaders includes women? That is the question the men coming to my sessions ask. (Many of them are also asking the question as fathers, “How do I help my daughters reach their full potential?”)
First, men need to develop an understanding of the way women have been socialized: the dominant face of leadership has been male, and women sitting in a middle management position may think “this is as good as it gets,” not being able to visualize themselves as leaders. With that knowledge, men can mentor their women managers by instilling confidence and a vision of what the women can aspire to.
Second, learn about the Sticky Floors that hold women back – the best way to do this (of course!) is to read my book It’s Not A Glass Ceiling, It’s A Sticky Floor. Once you understand these, spend time with the women you are mentoring and find out which Sticky Floors apply to each. Then use the suggestions in the book to help them get unstuck. Some require a little work and some require more time to move through. But each is well worth the time and effort.
I recently met a man who came up to introduce himself at a recent conference where I spoke. He said that after reading the book, he decided to buy it for his two daughters. They now have weekly book talks on each of the sticky floors. “Wow,” he said. “I had no clue that my daughters felt that they had to be high achievers and perfect in almost everything they do… Knowing how they are wired has definitely helped me to be a more mindful and helpful dad… and to help them address some of the self-limiting patterns early on before they start their careers.”
So, for starters, think about organizing a book club with your team, colleagues or even your daughters and nieces around the book and invite men and women to discuss the Sticky Floors. Trade ideas and tips for moving beyond them or avoiding them altogether. See yourself as a coach and mentor, reach out and by all means be inclusive.
My message to men: Bringing out the best in the women in your organization helps them reach their potential, makes you and your department look good, and improves your company’s ability to compete. There is no better time to start than the present.
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